Posted by Connie on September 7, 2010
Each day you remain abstinent is another successful day whether it feels like it or not. Be proud of yourself, give yourself a pat on the back. We are our own worst critics. Stop comparing yourself to others. What you see on the outside is not necessarily what you could see on the inside. Remember you never know what goes on behind closed doors. We each have our secrets to keep.
What we present to the world is a well developed mask. We show others what we want them to see or at least think we do. There are individuals with time in recovery who see through that mask, may demonstrate an understanding and compassion for where you are. Get their number. Meet those who have compassion and understanding for newly recovering individuals. This is assuming you are attending recovery meetings like 12-step groups. If you are not going yet, get yourself there. Call one of the hot-lines listed on the Emergency & Recovery Resources page.
Recovery is about progress not perfection. What you spent years learning to do will take years learning to undo. If you are diligent the tools to begin this part of your journey will be gifted almost immediately. But remember not everyone has the compassion, insight, and understanding to help you traverse the traps of early recovery. Be patient the right teacher will come along, there are many with time in recovery that will be of help. Even those who do not show compassion can be of great help. Learn from everyone, keep an open mind, face the person who intimidates you, shake his or her hand and introduce yourself. The response you receive will astound you.
Progress not perfection is about taking one more step, doing the next indicated thing even when you feel like quitting, take the next step. Remember your reminders. Write something that will encourage you. Find pictures of those things that matter most to you and tape them to the back of the front door with a note that offers you encouragement. This is the last thing you see on your way to work. If you have a car, post another one on the back side of your visor, when you lower the visor there it is. At work put one in your top or center drawer, on your desk pad, somewhere you will see it. Put a picture in a frame with your note written directly on it. Find a creative way to remind yourself of the journey. You are not expected to be perfect, just make progress.
Write yourself love notes, inspirational phrases, the way you would make a shopping or task list. Make this list about you, the love you deserve, your talents, strengths, what ever your imagination comes up with. Being loving to you.
Most of all remember you are not on this road alone. The Divine Universe is available, always with you. Listen to the music it plays for your soul. Sing and dance like the world is your stage. Let no one stop you from your journey.
Blessed be. May we meet again.
Posted by Connie on August 31, 2010
As already noted the first 7 to 14 days can be rough. The withdrawal is more than physical, it is mental, emotional, the spirit is crying to be heard. The body is working at normalizing without the substance, the mind is learning to function on its own, thoughts are running rampant. This is not a normal state to live in. You have spent time becoming who you are this day, now it is going to take time to become who you have chosen to become. Finding your way in the muck of early recovery is frightening, lonely, disparaging at times, you begin wondering what you thought you were doing.
The DESIRE to remain sober wavers, the DESIRE to fix what is wrong is strong. Time to renew the decision to give up the old way of life and remain on the path to recovery. Today write a letter to your old way of life, explain why you are leaving. Discuss the misery, unmanageability that has controlled your life is not beneficial any longer. Write until there is nothing more to write. Now explain what you seek, the blessings and peace you desire in your life. Discuss your goals, the reasons why you are here today. When you are through sign and date it. Fold it, place it in an envelope addressed to the old way of life, name it what you will. Place it where you can find it again. The next time you feel this need to run away, to return to your old way of life, take it out, read it. If you find you need to add more, then do so. Let this letter be your reminder of why you are here today, why you have chosen to recover.
Where ever you are, when ever you are tempted, remember the letter. If the temptation is strong, the DESIRE overwhelming to use again, REMEMBER the letter, go home and get it out and read it again. No, you cannot carry it with you, that would defeat the purpose. When you wish to use read the letter, keep doing that no matter what. No matter where you are you have to go home and get the letter to read. It does not matter if you are at work, the bargain is you have to read the letter before you pick up a drug, drink, gamble, what ever the substance. That is the contract you make when you write the letter.
Blessings on your journey. I am here with you traveling the path to recovery. Know that the Universe will provide all you need to is ask, then accept.
May we meet again.
Posted by Connie on August 25, 2010
The first 7 to 14 days can be rough for most individuals, again depending on what substance was used. The second aspect to sobriety is learning to live with the past. This is where the most important aspect of your nature needs to become strongest: DESIRE. The desire to never use or abuse, the desire to be sober, the DESIRE TO RECOVER at all costs. This needs to be your strongest drive over all else. Without it there may never be a future without use and abuse. Actually there can be no future without use or abuse.
Desire as defined by the dictionary as a verb is to crave, want, express a wish to obtain and as a noun a request, expressed wish, craving, wanting. A few synonyms are covet, fancy, hunger, and thirst. Desire is the strong need to have something, to obtain, in some cases to obsession. Your desire for the drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, sex, or any other behavior or substance drove you to obtain it at all costs. No matter who you hurt or walked over, you had to have “IT.”
The same drive that saw you through those years of use, abuse, and torment will carry you through the moments accumulated in recovery. First you must have the strongest desire to remain abstinent, to obtain sobriety, then a greater desire for RECOVERY. There is a difference between becoming sober and recovering. Anyone can remain sober for a length of time, some for years. The quality of sobriety is a matter of not using and healing.
There are rough days ahead for you, memories, nightmares, guilt, shame, and craving, the need to medicate. For that is what we as addicts, alcoholics, gamblers, over eaters, etc. are doing, medicating, hiding behind a much sought after euphoria. That first high, that first wow, the awesome high, never to be seen again. Yet the DESIRE to continue to search it out continues, use more, change substances, keep after it because it is there. In the process damage and pain accumulate, shame and guilt, behaviors you swore to never do have been done. The war will never end until you face your enemy square on. Not sure who the enemy is? Take the time to learn. Some will tell you that you are the enemy, I beg to differ. The only enemy we need face is the days long past, the old life style. Once informed to choose to return, then we are enemy. Until then those who taught us who still whisper in our mind, those messages well delivered, driven home, that is our enemy. This is the enemy that DESIRE will defeat.
DESIRE must be consuming for recovery as it was for disease, the old way of living is a disease. Fuel your desire, learn about your afflictions, the cause and effect, the withdrawal and healing. Arm your self with information, educate your self on the options available to you to aid you in recovery. Find out about the 12-step meetings, greet and meet, get to know your fellow travelers and build the tools that will take you from where you are to where you wish to be.
Know this: There is no affliction for which there is no cure. Every affliction has a cure.
The road is tedious, boring, frightening, exhausting, frustrating, and seems never ending. Do not give up, do not surrender to the old way of life. You can take a break, laugh, play, work, recover. Learn…
I send you blessings and healing. There is no obstacle too great to overcome, no enemy who will not meet with defeat. The decision is yours, build the DESIRE and hold fast.
Thank you for sharing the journey with me. If you desire a guide, know I am available. Check me out on my contact page.
Posted by Connie on August 20, 2010
Day 1: The Decision
“Enough is enough, I cannot take this any longer, there has to be another way of living.” Desperation, exhaustion, pain, tired of being tired, always sick, hating life, the list is endless. No matter there comes a time in a woman’s life where she is done thinking about and dreaming of a pain free life. Spending secret moments fantasizing of life without the drama, hitting, screaming, blackouts, needing the next drug or drink to make it through the day. Years of seeking escape from a life unmanageable and terrifying. The decision is made, time to seek another way out of the misery and insanity.
The decision to change life is not one that is taken lightly, it requires action. To change everything one knows, has spent a life time learning to live with can seem daunting and frightening. Many questions arise, for instance where to find the help required to make the changes necessary. You can try to do this alone, but honestly your life did not reach the state it is in without outside assistance. The reasons you chose the path you did no longer matter, but it took you time to learn how to live this life, it will take the same resolve for survival to change it. The decision is made, now comes the action.
Facing the shame guilt, fear, and other demons that chase you alone is not wise. When left alone the imagination will take over and before long you will be right back to the place before making the decision to change. Nothing occurs overnight worthy of living with. Picking up the next drug or drink is not an easy task, it does not just come to you, there is effort in gaining it. So it is with recovery. Healing takes time, developing patience is not easy, seeking to medicate the emotions and silence the thoughts is prevalent. Do not give up, take the next step towards your freedom.
Today, this moment is all that matters, there is nothing prior or after this breath, take it, listen to it, hear it enter your body, then as you release it let the fear and anguish move with it. This is release, the body will relax, the mind will become silent, with practice and your resolve, remember your decision.
Take a piece of paper as large or as small as you like, use colored pencils, markers, crayons, the choice is yours to be creative or not. Write on this paper your reminder to stick with your decision. Perhaps:
“I have made the decision to learn to love myself, to provide for myself, to protect myself. I will care for me no matter what. I will not harm myself in anyway, including using drugs, alcohol, etc.”
The words you use must be personal to you, a way to remind yourself that you deserve love and happiness. You deserve to live a pain free life, one where you are never struck or screamed at, not demeaned, but esteemed. Honor the woman, girl, that you have been, she is the one that has kept you alive and brought you to this point. She will be terrified, but remember what you would do for the child that is frightened? Comfort her, make a special place and provide yourself a sanctuary.
Today, at this moment your breath, listen. Nothing else matters for this moment, you are safe, free, comfortable, loved, protected, and worthy. You are not alone.
Blessings.
Posted by Connie on August 6, 2010
Entering recovery is a contract with self and the program you joined. When I use the term program it includes 12-step recovery, treatment programs, counseling and therapy. The type of recovery you select depends on what you are seeking to recovery from. Mental health and addictions (inclusion of alcoholism) are states we can recovery from.
There are many paths to take, ideas to explore, examples to follow, insights, and how-to’s available. However, the type of path you decide to take will not matter without two very important ingredients: Willingness and Desire. These two shall be your constant companions as you travel the path of recovery. Anyone can commit to sustain from use of substance (drugs, cigarettes, food, sex, etc.) for a short duration. Generally a 24 hour break and then back to it. The reasons for the break is not always a choice, generally imposed by law or lack of resources. No matter, to remain abstinent for a lifetime takes commitment, making a contract with self to make the amends you deserve.
The one person that is never on the list, the one person that matters the most never receives an amends: Self. Some will say it is a given, it is not. Especially with women who are taught to put others first, when we are told that it is bragging or selfish to consider self in any area of life. “Buck up, stop thinking of your self. It isn’t about you.”
12-steppers know that within the steps is the amends step. The 8th step is preparation, making lists, getting clear about the wrongs. The 9th step is the action step, apologizing for the wrongs committed to others. When it is not harmful to self or others. Be creative and do an unknown random act of kindness is another type of amends. Making a living amends is to never repeat the wrong, no crime, gossip, hate, thievery, lying, sleeping with someone’s spouse, gambling away great grandma’s social security check, you know the events that we never wish to repeat. Learning to live without the need to fix what feels wrong with us or committing a pay-back in order to right a viewed wrong is part of recovery and making amends.
When we reach a place in our recovery path to see our lives clearly it is time to consider a self-amends contract. Many times a person enters recovery, discovers a need to make an amends to those involved in his or her disease. There are those you may decide to make an amends to who will never consider it enough, that the wrong is so great to them, that you will never be able to make up for it. The idea of an amends is to clean your side of the street, to right the wrongs for you, not them. You go to the person with the intent of lightening your load, without anticipation or hope of being forgiven. What that person says or does is not your business, just making the gesture is your business. And so it is with the self-amends, this is your business, no one else’s. It matters not what anyone says.
Here is how you write a Self-Amends Contract:
I (your name), do hereby swear that from this day (enter the date) will continue on my path to recovery. I do affirm my right to health, happiness, prosperity, and love. This is my living amends to me for the years I have neglected my own well-being. I will continue to review and update the contract as it benefits my life and ensures my spiritual growth.
I will commit to achieving these goals through daily action. Where it is too difficult I will make adjustments to aid in achieving my goals.
1. (This is where you will make the list that matters to you. Include all the wished for goals, earning a living, getting a new car and home, better job, relationship, everything that is at the top of your mind goes in this list. Remember the next step is to decide what steps you will need to take to achieve these goals, breaking them down to the daily goals.)
This contract is effective immediately and is a lifetime commitment. I will review (weekly, monthly, you specify the time line) and make adjustments where needed. When a goal is accomplished rather than mark it out I will highlight it and celebrate the achievement.
Signed:(your signature, of course)
(Remember to add the new date when updated and your highlighted achievements. )
The rest is up to you. My self-amends contract has been renewed every few years now, with reviews about every six months. I have met the smaller goals, the larger ones take more time to work on. My life is manageable today. Wow. Never thought I would say that.
Share in this journey. I am available by chat, phone or email for private consult and spiritual counseling simply go to my contact page and share your journey with me.
I look forward to hearing about your trials, tribulations, and triumphs.
I send you blessing and healing.
Simply say “I accept the blessing and healing Connie sends me.” Then rest for about five minutes. Let your mind go and relax.
Progress not Perfection
A Woman's Way Through the 12 Steps